Monday, March 23, 2015

The Emerald Talisman - Brenda Pandos (Talisman #1)

I have some serious issues with young adult paranormal romances these days, mostly because most of them are terrible.  This one is no different.  Let's dive right in, shall we?

Julia, our heroine, is an idiot.  She thinks words like "obscure" (a word of a whopping two syllables) are "big" and that people should be teased for using them, is taking alegbra at age sixteen (around here, it's taken when you're thirteen or fourteen, in eighth grade, if not earlier).  I work with stupid people all day long (NOT my coworkers, it should be noted--but definitely our customers/clients) and don't particularly want to read about them in my free time.  Doing so just extends the period of time in which I feel the need to punch someone.

It reads like the author just made a character sheet (Q: What type of car does your character drive?  A: A 1984 Volkswagen Quantum) and then dumped every single detail off it into the first chapter.  So basically, you get this: "My name is Julia.  These are my friends.  I can read minds and none of them know.  I drive a 1984 Volkswagen Quantum and work at the best sandwich shop in town.  My mother disappeared when I was five, but my aunt acts as a surrogate mother figure even though I hate her new husband.  I live in the cutest house on the block."  And so on and so forth.  Everything in italics, by the way, is verbatim from the book.

And then there's the biggest problem: the love interest.  Nicholas.  Oh, Nicolas.  Julia, what were you thinking, girl?  He stalks you, doesn't want anyone to know you're together, he may or may not eventually want to rip your throat out and drink your blood.  If that doesn't say "deal-breaker," then I don't know what does.  But no.  Julia meets Nicholas and five minutes later (literally, five minutes later) is head over heels in love with him, obsessing over him, and doing all kinds of stupid, dangerous stuff in the process.

I dream of a young adult paranormal romance in which the heroine actually possesses a brain.  This isn't it.  1.5 stars.

No comments:

Post a Comment